1.
I took acting classes recently that made me realise something – we’re default different. Throughout the class, our instructor would give us lines and scenes to act out. I was amazed to see how people delivered lines that meant only one thing, to me, with completely different setups, meanings and emotions. None of the performances were same. And this was despite all of us being novices and caring only about being able to deliver the lines. I realised this was because each of us was a different person.
People keep talking about trying to be unique to advance in life. There’s tons of content on it out there. In less that a second, Google gives you 9.5 BILLION web pages on this topic.
Advertisers tell you using their product will help you stand out from the crowd.
Source: https://www.inc.com/carol-sankar/how-to-make-your-product-stand-out-in-a-crowd.html
It’s everywhere.
However, it’s impossible for any two people to be exactly the same. Every person is born with a different mental makeup and innate capabilities, has had very different life experiences, processes them differently and, therefore, thinks and behaves differently. People are default different.
So why do we need all this advice on how to be different?
I think one reason is that we’re all trained throughout our lives to suppress what makes us unique and be more generic. Through school, work and public life, we’re evaluated on how well we perform against the established criteria (exams, KPIs, social norms). What make us unique doesn’t matter if it doesn’t visibly add to our ‘test scores’. And we comply. And we forget that we are unique. And so we become generic – on the surface. Not because we are but because we’re trained to be. And then people get bored or frustrated. So 9.5 billion articles teaching us how to be unique pop up (this one being #9,500,000,001). And then we make artificial attempts at being unique – colouring our hair blue (because that cool girl did it) or getting that tramp stamp (so bold!) or if we’re not so adventurous, wearing yellow pants (the colour really pops).
I don’t think we express our uniqueness through these external embellishments, though. We express it by being authentic – being open with our origins, life journey, thought processes, skills and what motivates us. And then using them to find our own style, our own voice, our own path and build relationships that resonate. And add value to the world in our own unique way.
This doesn’t mean that we don’t change through our lives. I’ve been very fortunate to have experiences that have completely changed me in many ways, and not in others. And all of those changed and unchanged aspects are what make ‘me’. So be willing to take in new experiences, be challenged and change, but also be OK with what is difficult for you to change.
So sit down and think about who you are, your journey, experiences and how they’ve shaped you. Write about it and read it back. Talk about it when building relationships. In interviews, let your resume communicate your skills but talk to the interviewer about your experiences and how you’ve developed through them. When meeting new friends or a potential life partner, talk about who you are and why, understand who they are and why, and see if you resonate. While selling, build a relationship with your customer by marrying your unique worldview with theirs. Don’t be afraid to be you because we’re all default different.
2.
We’ve spent time over the last year evaluating small to mid-sized businesses to buy. These are usually traditional businesses such as furniture manufacturing, chemicals distribution or landscaping services. Most of them have been around for decades and the owners are looking to retire. One question we always ask the company owner is: “How are your company’s products or services different from your competitors’?”. Some of them are able to mention meaningful differentiating factors, such as location advantage or licenses, but many of them are not.
It struck me a few days ago that, irrespective of their ability to give an answer we ‘like’, each of these businesses isdifferent. Companies are run by people and customers, vendors and employees are people. And since people are different, their ability to connect with each customer, vendor and potential employee is different, the way they think is different, and therefore their products and services and how people perceive them are default different. So in addition to “What makes the company different?”, we should ask: “How much of what the company does is driven by you, the owner, vs. your team?”. If the owner’s imprint is all over the company’s products, services and relationships, then when the owner retires, we’ll have a very different company from the one we buy.
A related point – I don’t think many of these entrepreneurs thought much about differentiating their products or services when they started. They probably saw a market where there was demand to be fulfilled and bet on themselves being unique enough to build relationships with some customers and hire people to work with them. And over the years they built companies that endured and generate millions of dollars of cash flow annually, just through the unique relationships they built.